PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

As a public service, I feel it my duty to warn the general public (the youth in particular) of the inherent dangers of instruments I have played well and/or as well as:

~ BASS GUITAR: Proceed with extreme caution! Very habit forming. Early symptoms include bleeding fingers and being thrown out of apartments.

~ ACOUSTIC GUITAR: Not nearly as habit forming as bass, but if you do it too much you get these big old ugly hard things on the ends of your fingers. I've heard a lot of people playing these, and I prefer that they tune them first. I think they were invented because of the getting thrown out of apartments thing that is an inherent danger of bass playing - which after further reflection may be an amplification issue to be addressed in a later section. So, if the getting thrown out of apartments thing is not for you, you may want to get one of these guitars. However if I ever become a landlord, be careful with tuning! Also - DON'T PLUG IT IN! Once plugged in, it becomes an acoustic/electric guitar, and we just don't have time to deal with that kind of redundancy just now. You might not even have the right hole - there are issues!!

~ ELECTRIC GUITAR: If you get too much of the big old hard ugly things on the end of finger stuff goin on playing one of these, you probably have the wrong one or need to restring the one you have. You have to watch out for the strings coming off right in the middle of playing one because they're real little tiny things; you might consider safety glasses. There is not a whole lot of room for fingers on electric guitars, which is why I usually try to get someone else to play them.... Electric guitars are best when used in conjuction with an amplifier, particularly at gigs, so you do have to figure out the hole thing. Never had a bleeding finger problem with one of these, although the being thrown out of apartments thing may apply.

~ KEYBOARDS: Stay out of bands with B-3 players and no roadies! Neither big old ugly hard things or bleeding fingers seem to be a problem. There does seem to be either way big trouble with tuning, or none at all. I've been inside some of them and they may have a way whole lot of strings, particularly the big ones down at Andy's studio. More strings than a Conklin Bass! When asked what I was doing inside Andy's baby piano, it didn't seem to make him any the more happier to find out I was tuning. Caution is advised.

~ DRUMS: Proceed with extreme caution! The getting thrown out of apartments thing may apply even without plugging in. Friends can turn on you in a moment while you are trying to play, and throw things at you while you're getting thrown out of your apartment. There's an awful lot of stuff to carry around, and some of it is very hard, and very heavy, particularly the hardware (which is not available at your local hardware store). Worser yet, you have to remember not to forget your rug. I have enough trouble remembering all the words to my songs and where to plug things in, so remembering a rug would probably just throw me over the top anyway.....

~j~